Lilly,
January 2005 (?) - July 28, 2019
Lilly was everything to me. She was a kind
wonderful cat who always tried to calm me down in my most upset
moments and provide me with companionship and comfort with her
quiet sweet demeanor. She was the last vestige of a time that
was good in my life and my hope and link to a better life. Now
that she is gone... I feel I have lost everything. I don't know
how I will go on without her presence. Most importantly, she is
at peace - but my heart is broken forever.
Louie – I am heartbroken without you. Your
first 24 hours gone, and I’m barely making it through the
day. I pace the house – and realize I’m looking for
you. I went to the store today, and so much wanted to tell
you to “Mind the fort. Be back soon. That’s the
plan, man!” And, in your better days, you would have been
waiting in the hallway upon my return. You sure could hear
that garage door open from anywhere in the house or yard!
I so long to feel the weight and warmth of your precious little
body. But, in my heart, I do know that your body was
breaking down and failing you. I know you tried so hard to keep
going and stay with me. The night before I had to let you go,
you made that climb up the pet stairs to be on the bed with
me. Now knowing that your legs were broken and crumbling,
I don’t know how you managed it. Sheer will and love.
I will forever miss our cuddles, and how you would put your
little paw out to touch my hand. Such a void now – where
you used to be. Thank you for spending your life on
me. My best buddy.
I wish your passing could have occurred in a calmer, cozier
space, rather than in the stark, scary hospital. It would
have been easier had you been “further gone” like Nellie and
Whitey had been – so obviously sick and ready to go. You,
on the other hand, were squirming in my lap and looking at your
cat carrier – in my mind, you were wanting to go home.
This was so painful for me, and will haunt me for a long time.
But, Louie, I hope you know that I separated us with the deepest
of pain and regret, and was only able to do it out of my love
for you. I believe your future on earth held only pain and
suffering – which you would not be able to express to me.
So, I’ll always look back and wonder if we could have had a
little longer together, but I think (hope) I made the right
choice in not making you stay for too long.
Life turns on a dime, and love is a bottomless well of sorrow.
But I have to believe that this pain of my shattered heart is a
price worth paying for the time I had with you, my old friend.
Until we meet again . . .
With love, kisses, and a “Big ol’ hug” Mama
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