My dear, sweet, loving companion, Rags, passed on this past Friday, after facing a difficult 7-month battle against bone cancer.
Rags, truly was my hero in every sense of the word. He bravely overcame lung cancer several years ago, only to be faced with terminal bone cancer in his rear leg last June. He withstood 4 rounds of chemotherapy without a whimper. Even though I know that he was in great pain, he always managed to follow me around the house. Whenever I looked at him, he always wagged his tail at me.
I had a pact with him that he would let me know when he had enough - I would let him go, no matter how difficult it would be for me.
Wednesday he had a very good day. We celebrated the 4th birthday of our Harley (our other Golden Retriever). Rags had a great time and loved sharing Harley's birthday cake. It made by heart so happy seeing him eating the cake and wagging his tail for me.
But, sadly, Friday morning Rags took very ill suddenly. I rushed him to the vet's office where we could only make him comfortable. My son, Josh (21 yrs. old) and I sat with Rags until his pain medicine took effect and I kissed his nose and said, "Mommy loves you so much and I am so proud of you" - "Now, sweetheart, Mommy wants you to go to sleep and I'll see you real soon". Josh and I left him asleep while we went to the bus station to pick up Ryan and Kim (my other two children who go to school in New York). We were only gone 15 minutes before Rags took his last breath and died.
I was devastated when I returned to the vet's office and found that he had passed away. But, this was truly in keeping with Rags' selflessness. He would do anything to make me happy and I think this final act of his was to go at his own time and to spare me the difficult task of "playing G-d" and having to euthanize him. I just did not want him to leave me.
I did want to be with him when he died. I had gone over that day over and over in my mind. I wanted him to be at home with me and to go to sleep in my arms. But, as I said before, I know he wanted to spare me this grief.
My only comfort is that before I left and told him that I loved him, I gave him his favorite teddy bear which I sprayed with my cologne. I also covered him with my blanket and told him to go to sleep. As always, he obeyed me to the end.
I do miss him so. The hurt is so new and fresh. I so miss his breathing -- his smell -- his kisses to my hand -- his dear sweet, sad eyes looking at me, through me. We had a bond, my Rags and I. He was really more human than dog to me. I felt his pain and suffering. When he hurt, I hurt. Oh, I do wish I could be with him one more time....
Marsha R. Per